The Natural Hair Trend???

I caint...

You know there's this school of thought out there that black women wearing their God ordained hair is a trend. I would ask those who dismiss the coming into ourselves and being in alignment with God's own image of us as a trend these things:

Is blue a trend for the sky?

Is wetness a trend for water?

Is sourness a trend for a lemon?

Is green a trend for grass?

We have been out of alignment but we have been working through the pain and trauma of the past over the course of many generations and through that work we are evolving past the need to hide our true nature. We are not quibbling with God over why we had to endure such pain. We are many years post slavery, post Jim Crow. We are waking up to find that if we are going to keep on in a forward trajectory, the tools we used during certain parts of the journey have to be left behind. Chemical straighteners are becoming obsolete. It was a tool to hide us, a tool we used to comply with a society that had no desire to respect us. It was a tool that we used to work out the pain of being the image of oppression. It was a tool we used to become more like those with the power to make snuff us out or set us free. We used it to clime up and out of a dark and deep hole. Now we are standing on solid ground sure of our strength. Aware of God's mercy and grace with the horizon in front of us. There are some of us whose minds are still in that hole.

During the course of any evolution there are always those who are further into and those who are not yet on the path. Surely during the early dawn of man there were those that began to use tools and then there were those that were still using the obsolete methods. Always there will be a time when we are not all in the same place. The thing is to recognize when evolution is taking place and to get on board with it. There is no going backward. Always during an evolutionary phase there are fits and starts. Folks will be quick to throw up the black power movement and how we wore naturals then but it came and went. Consider that the starting point of this particular evolution. There are many that kept their hair in it's God given state from that point forward, my mother being one of them. Their are those that lost their way. I am a part of the generation that came after them. If it wasn't for them, this conversation wouldn't be happening. They sparked this. As you can see, it did not end with them.

My Daughters Beautiful Naps

My daughter has a whole lot of nappy hair as you can see. Her hair is below waist length stretched. In the above photo I pulled a section of her loose hair in order to stretch it out so that I could show it's length (my hand is somewhere down there but cannot be seen in the pic), then I took the picture with my other hand. She is 5 years old and of course has never had her hair straightened. She knows she's beautiful because we always tell her that she is sooooooo beautiful. She knows nothing of self loathing. She loves her skin and hair and everything about herself because we adore her and tell her so all the time. We live in a predominantly white community so she interacts with them on the regular but has no issues. She attracts love and kindness like a magnet because this is what she experiences all the time in her home. This is her foundation. It's all in how you treat your children. It's all in the messages you send them. A child should not feel insecure, ugly or unwanted. Our job as parents is to make sure they know they are perfect and precious. Their lives even when we are not around will reflect the love we planted in their souls.

As for her hair, their is no way on earth her hair would ever be as healthy or achieve this length with a relaxer. I have older twin daughter's who's hair was as long as this. Their father begged me for years to relax it because he couldn't do it on their visits so I gave in eventually and let him take them to have it done. I knew what would happen but he didn't believe me when I told him. Their hair was super long and healthy to start then it began to break off. It eventually broke off to chin length in a year's time even though they had their hair done professionally and kept it up. Needless to say, they are both transitioning now and never want to see another relaxer as long as they live. Now when I send them to their father for visits, their hair is in braids. They know how healthy their hair was prior to the relaxer and how badly it damaged their hair. Relaxers hold no mystique for them. They will not be begging me to perm it for prom. Nappy hair is fragile not strong and chemicals break it down to the point that it is even more fragile and prone to breakage.

My youngest daughter (pictured above) is by my husband. We both agreed no chemical would ever touch her hair. Her hair got this long by treating it the way nappy hair needs to be treated. Very little manipulation. I put her braids in and don't take them down for weeks at a time. I wash her hair in the braids. When its time to redo, I take it one braid at a time making sure to moisturize and oil to prevent breakage. I separate and smooth with my fingers and very gently comb the ends with a wide tooth comb and re-braid. She usually has anywhere from 8 to 12 braids. It takes about 2 hours to do her hair because I don't yank and snatch through it like it needs to be punished. The keys to healthy naps are moisture, low manipulation and a gentle patient touch. That's pretty much it. Her hair is also never blow dried, in fact no heat is used on her hair.

For all those who use hair typing, we are both 4b in other words nappy. Her father is a pure blooded Ghanaian (Ghana, West Africa, blackest Africa, home of the purest naps and deepest melanin endowed gorgeous dark skin where the majority of us can trace our roots because it is from there that the majority of our ancestors departed) :) I am an African-American with no recent interruption of my African bloodline, in other words not mixed. Yes, true African naps can achieve length if so desired if you honor God's blessing by nurturing and loving them and caring enough to learn about how to take care of them instead of trying to murder them with toxic chemicals.

As long as I am in charge, my daughter will never feel the burn of chemicals or the heat of a straightening tool. She will always know and not question the power and truth of her own God given beauty just as she knows it at the impressionable age of 5.

What Did You Expect Your Daughters Hair to Look Like???

So I was having a conversation with my husband about these mothers who hate their daughters hair. I asked him, what do these nappy headed women expect their daughters hair to look like? Just really. NT way he busts out like these women have been perming their hair so long that they expect the perm to penetrate the DNA like the matrix and change the molecular structure of their off-springs hair.

Damn!

Because they really seem shocked and dismayed when their children's hair turns out like their own nappy hair. What the hell.

Beautiful Despite?

Oh no. This will never do.

I see this beautiful despite the fact, in spite of, no matter...

We are not beautiful even though... We are not beautiful despite the fact... We are not beautiful even if....

We are beautiful because.

Our nappy hair is beautiful. God made it. God loved what God made. God made a lot of it. God was pleased with it. It was the first hair God made.

Quit telling yourself and your babies you are beautiful despite the fact that your hair is what it is as though it is not apart of what makes us beautiful.

I Want to Look Like the Ones Who Brought Me Here

I want to look like baobab trees

and endless blue ocean

like ever expanding sun drenched skies

I want to look like diamonds from the earths core

like rhythm and harmony

rain drenched soil

lush green landscapes

like flesh of ripe mango

the perfect orange dawn

like full swinging hips

backs like living cradles rocking baby to sleep

tremendous loads carried like feathers by steel spine

like hands carving

and weaving

and cooking

and braiding

and tending to life

I want to look like the ones who brought me here

The ones whose breath passed from mother to mother until it filled my lungs

my laugh

I want to look like the ones

whose blood is in my veins

whose rhythm is in my heart

whose sun is in my skin

whose hair is on my head

Nah Tyra

Ima need you to come up out them lace fronts more than once a year before you start trying to moderate discussions about black women's hair issues. Win your own battle first or at least try to fight the damn battle. Cornrows for a day. Sit down somewhere.

Ok Ok at least she tried to put the discussion on the table so let me ease up... Just a bit.

Choice?

I am not of the opinion that black women choose to perm their hair. I personally believe we are compelled to relax due to a high level of indoctrination. We all know what that includes: Being told by the people who should love us that our hair is ugly, unmanageable, bad etc. Many of us haven't seen it in so many years that we don't even know how to style it. Our own hair is alien and repulsive to us. We murder it. We hide it away in shame. We are inundated with images of women in magazines, on television and in movies with hair that looks anything but like the hair growing out of our scalps. Our naturally nappy hair has not been glamourized and associated with all things beautiful. Women want to be beautiful. Women want to be admired and adored. Nappy hair has not been associated with any of these things. Black women may make a conscious choice to buck the system and wear their hair natural, but the relaxer is not a choice we make by and large.

As For the Show...

Clearly those women are mentally sick. Their minds are severely broken and it is a sad thing to witness. They are creating more sickness. This is what happens when a child is not told she is beautiful and a glorious reflection of God. This is what we get when we withhold approval from our babies. We get girls talking about "I got that white girl flow" as though her black girl swagger is inferior. We get girls who grow up to bear children whom they think are not beautiful even though their children have the hair of their mothers. They burn their daughters hair and scalps with toxic chemicals while they are still babies thus telling their daughters we are ugly and need to suffer to be fixed. They are saying I know I'm your mother and if no one else can see your beauty I should, but your hair is ugly, child of my womb. A child growing up under the weight of a self-loathing mother has no choice. She will perm to be beautiful in the most elementary way...beautiful to her mother. She will never stop perming because if your mother can't see your beauty, no one will ever see it. It can't exist.

Dealing with Inappropriate Comments About Your Naturally Nappy Hair

This comes up all the time on natural hair boards so I know it is a problem that needs to be addressed:

Adults know what appropriate conversation is and if they act like the site of your naturally nappy hair has caused them to forget, you may find yourself needing to give them a refresher course in good manners. You have to engage people who are behaving in a way that is inappropriate and childish. As an adult, the way you wear your hair is no concern of anyone else, it is your right. Tell them that they are crossing a line that they should know better than to cross. If these are people you know, which 9 out of 10 they are, let them know that in your dealings with them, you have respected their choices and the respect has to be a two way street if the relationship is going to continue.

Lines must not be crossed. Anyone telling you what you should be doing to your hair as if you are a child is crossing an invisible boundary and must be told to fall back. If they still persist and are sitting their with a chemical fire cream questioning your choice to be natural, tell them that if we are going to start questioning each other's grown ass choices, you also have a question for them, why is it that they think they are so ugly that they need to put a caustic chemical in their hair to change it and do they really want to continue down this road because you have some very strong opinions of your own. This is admittedly a little raw, but sometimes people don't know they are being rude until you mirror their behavior to them. Let them know you were being intentionally rude by asking that question to show them how rude it is that they are disrespecting you in how they address you about your own choice. You can also take it down to the basics. Tell them they should really be addressing God and not you if they have an issue with your naturally nappy hair because God was the one who chose this hair texture for you, you just happen not to have any problem with his will. Tell them that between God's idea of how you should look and theirs, thanks for presenting another option, but you'll be sticking with God.

One shouldn't have to become so thick skinned if it isn't in one's nature but unfortunately when we wear our hair natural we unearth the issues of black folks where ever we are because so many of our issues we hide in our hair. Some wonder why you aren't hiding and what happened to you that you aren't engaging in their practices. Black issues erupt around the site of natural hair. It's like a catalyst sometimes. Take these moments as opportunities. You don't have to get all deep with folks if you don't feel like it but insisting on being addressed with respect is something we to often don't do. Setting boundaries and guarding those areas that other people shouldn't feel free to cross with you is a good and strengthening exercise for any woman.

If the offender is a parent, remind them that they did a superior job at raising you and because their parenting skills were so on point, you have grown into an adult who has the intellectual and spiritual fortitude to make brilliant choices.

People of other races tend to have an innocuous curiosity about our hair and their curiosity can seem rude and ignorant but don't take it as an insult take it as a moment to share information, to broaden their knowledge about human beings who are different from them and if they are rude to share a lesson in manners and etiquette. Tell them that the way they phrased their question came across as rude even though it may not have been meant in that way.

You are beautiful just the way you are and other people's issues have no bearing on that at all. Don't take peoples problems as your gospel. Their problems are not your answers. Their issues are not your guides. They should be working them out, not trying to get you to co-sign on their issues so that they can feel right about proceeding with their bullshit.

Remember time is life. You can't get those moments back that you allow others to waist. You should not be in a long drawn out exchange with someone because while you're letting them be all up in your ear, life is moving on without you.