"She Think She All That."

OK so one of my twins was walking down the hallway at school on her way to class when she spotted a little group of girls mean muggin'. The little leader leaned over to the girls and whispered "She think she all that." God forbid they figure out there's two of her. I asked my daughter if she responded she said no but from a cursory glance, noticed that their relaxers were badly broken off and she also noted that they were a grade below and of no consequence to her.

It's really interesting. Just 2 years ago my twins had broken off, damaged perms too, however, they were never upset about other people's hair, they just wanted to get their hair in order. They made the decision to transition. Actually, they never wanted a relaxer, their father wanted them to have a relaxer (he's old school) and as I detailed somewhere on this blog, I got tired of arguing with him. I also grew tired of my twins being so upset about their hair. They just didn't like what I was doing with it. It was for me a low point. I surrendered and got them relaxed when they were about 8 years old. Their relaxer started off mid back length and thick. Needless to say, by the time they were 10, their hair had broken to chin length even though we only got their hair done in the best salons and kept their appointments religiously. The girls rebelled, I had already rebelled (well my hair did before I did)) against the relaxer and they saw what I could do with my hair in it's natural healthy state. They said enough, with the relaxers. I told their father the jig was up. We then went through a lengthy transitioning period. They were soldiers. On the other side of this period, their hair has regained it's health, fullness and a good deal of length has returned.

So here they are being the envy of girls with the short, broken relaxers that they themselves had suffered with not long ago. The difference is, those girls may never know how wonderful their own hair can be because it is likely that they have no examples in their lives of women wearing their God given hair. They think that twin is different from them, that what she has is unattainable. They probably think they are doomed to broken hair that never grows and miserable burning chemicals which are "necessary" because they don't have "good hair". The really sad part is they are jealous of the same hair that their parents are killing. It is very likely the hair they themselves have. Twin's hair is 4b. The maligned "shame" of the black girl. The "nappy" hair. The hair parents are trying to cover up with chemicals. Those girls were looking at healthy well tended African textured hair and they were jealous and envious of it. They didn't recognize it as the hair that also grows from their scalps because they likely have not seen it for years. They thought her hair was different from theirs. Twin's hair couldn't be just like the hair from their pre-adolescent life. No one wears that hair in middle school. It must be special hair. It isn't permed or short. It must be "good hair". The hair that we don't have. The hair that we envy. The hair our parents adore. Girls with this hair are treated differently. So a little studious black girl walking down the hall with African textured hair that is lovingly tended by her mother is now that girl. If they knew twin, they would know that she does NOT "think she all that". She is not who they think she is. She is not different from them. What is possible for her is possible for the vast majority of black girls. They don't have to look at her and feel ashamed. They are really sisters.

We live in a predominantly white area and the girls attend very predominantly white schools. You will notice that the only girls of African descent you'll see without relaxers are bi-racial or very young. You'll also see the damage that goes hand in hand with relaxers. My daughters are the only girls of African descent in their middle school that are not bi-racial, that are not relaxed. We were hanging out with some friends of theirs and their mothers, when one of the mother's starts to berate her daughter about her hair (it was relaxed and damaged, oxymoron I know). "You've been messing in it, that's why it's so short now". She had been stealing glances at the twins hair. It seemed like she felt the need to somehow explain the state of her daughter's hair to us. When we were alone the twins brought that exchange up and said her hair is short because it's damaged from relaxers. She needs to stop relaxing (the friend's) hair. We didn't feel we could say that to the mother and daughter at the time.

Some people can and do grow long, what appears to be healthy relaxed hair, but they are not by a stretch, the majority. What about the chemicals? Even if you are one of the rare few with apparently long relaxed hair, you have no idea what relaxers and the attending maintenance products are doing to you internally. The products that we use to maintain the illusion of straight hair, hair that is the exact opposite of our reality, are filled with chemicals that we have no idea what the health effects of using them over the long term are. What of the psychological effects of going through so much effort to hide the truth about something so basic to our physicality as hair texture? Their are so many reasons why we need to stop this madness. One of the most compelling reasons for me is so our girls can know they are good enough; that they don't have to envy anyone. They are already beautiful as God made them. They are all that.