It's All in Ya Head

Where do I begin with the foolishness.

There are so many ridiculous myths and assumptions when it comes to naturally nappy hair. Today I'd like to discuss the one that maybe most gets on my damn nerves because I see it crop up so much and it's a bunch of bullshit. I mean damn. Anyway...

Nappy Hair Myth: You wont be able to get a man if you wear your own natural, nappy hair. (I have to seperate this myth from all the others because there are so many sublevels of bullshittery contained within this one myth that to get into it properly, I will have to maintain a single minded focus).

Wow (insert hellified eye roll here). This is really cute because it shows the innocence and naivete of so many women. There are a thousand and one things that will cause men to steer clear of you but in my personal experience and knowing and seeing so many natural women with husbands (myself included), mates, and the whole nine, nappy hair is not one of them, so for the innocent and naive, let me give you the game:

Men are not difficult to attract:

Men are always looking for women. A woman is a man's main goal and the root of why he does everything he does in life. They want us. They need us, but somehow we have convinced ourselves that we have to twist ourselves into pretzels to get and keep a man. If you have that kind of mentality, you will exhibit that. You will lay down your power and a man knows when you don't know your own power. Your experience with men will reflect an imbalance of power. In other words you will be chasing and he will be retreating.


Naturally nappy hair does not take away your feminine power:

In fact when you are wearing your naturally nappy hair, you will be exhibiting something that few human beings can resist; self-confidence. Self-confidence, right now we call it swagger, is so fucking sexy and intoxicating that I would say that it is even above physical appearance when it comes to being able to attract. We've all seen the guy or girl who is married to someone whom we judge they should not have been able to attract in the first place. These people don't look they way we think they should look, but they are attractive. They attract with an energy. Self-confidence, i.e. swagger emanates an energy that pulls people into your orbit. They like the way they feel around you.

It's assumed that a black woman that wears her naturally nappy hair has to have a gang of self-confidence because she is going against the norm. She clearly has a mind of her own. She follows her own rules. This kind of woman is intriguing and unusual. She is even exotic and rare. This is attractive to men. Men love mystery and intrigue. They like to uncover things and see how they work but first they have to be curious. A black woman wearing her naturally nappy hair peeks the curiosity of most everyone. Any naturally nappy woman who has been that way for a while knows about the curiosity that folks have about the choice we made to wear our hair as is.

So you have self-confidence which is hot. What else attracts men?

The way you present yourself attracts men:

If you cared about your appearance before, wearing your hair in it's natural state should not change that. Men love women who love themselves. Being naturally nappy isn't an excuse to let everything go. This is a stereotype, a myth that is developing and is one of the main reasons I decided to start blogging about being naturally nappy. Nappiness should not cause you to let go of your womanly wiles.

Let go of the perm not the pretty.

Perm and pretty are not inextricably bound so that when you stop perming your hair, you have to let go of your pretty. You can leave the perm behind and keep the pretty. In fact nappy goes even better with pretty than perm does. Being naturally nappy, you have the added advantage of standing out so your pretty is magnified. Pretty shows you love yourself and will maintain your appearance. No man wants a slovenly woman. What will she be like if we get into a relationship if she was half-stepping the day we met? If your wardrobe was fly before you stopped relaxing, it should still be fly. If you mani-pedi'd before, you should still be doing it. If eyebrows were on point before why let them go? Wear your favorite perfume. Rock those hot stiletos. Keep your sexy walk and your flirtatious personality. Contrary to popular belief, you do not have to become mother earth because you decided to wear your hair the way God made it. If you aren't the mother earth type, why try to adopt a persona and image that isn't you? Rock your pretty. Men have never been able to resist it.

Are you so insecure about your appearance that you are sending out an "I'm not worthy" vibe?

Insecurity is repulsive, repugnant and just down-right unattractive. Let me take that back. You'll attract folks. They will mirror how you feel about yourself. They will tell you everything you believe about yourself. Yes they will cooberate your inner monologue. I've read so many posts on natural hair sites wear newly nappy women are questioning themselves and if they can still be considered attractive blah blah blah... Woman considering transitioning wondering if they will still be attractive blah bloo weee sploo doo doo dahhhhh....Women in general are programmed to be insecure and it makes a lot of money for many industries, but black women are programmed to the nth degree. The only cure for what ails us, we believe is to fit in, conform, try to be like the images we see all day every day. What we really need to do is the exact opposite of conforming. To conform and submit means that you have been beaten into submission. You have given your power away and accept that others are more powerful than you. This is not the cure for insecurity.

If you are carrying around a shit load of insecurity, it's time to deprogram:

You're going to have to do it yourself. Turn off the Television. Stop buying magazines that don't reflect you. Seek out images of beautiful naturally nappy black woman and inundate your mind with them everyday. You can find these images in natural haired Fotki albums and by doing image searches in google. You can attend African centered festivals and natural hair shows. Soak up our beauty and flyness. Revel in it. Celebrate it. Damn cry about missing out on it for so long. When I finally figured out how fly our hair is, I was so damned mad at myself for all the years I had spent trying to kill my hair and hide it but I was so relieved that it wasn't to late to glorify and just show out with it.

You need to be convinced of your God-given glory the same way you were convinced God was wrong to create someone like you. Wash your mind clean. Fight for your mind because it is in the drivers seat. You don't want a mind driving your life that is under the influence of bullshit. We all know gorgeous woman that are living lives of less quality than what we believe they should be able to attract. This should tell every woman that it's not just about how you look. If your mind is broken, if you are convinced that you are not worthy, God could pour down every blessing on you and for you it will be as though you are cursed. We have to repair our minds. Pray if that's what you do. Meditate if that's what you do. Journal. Repeat positive affirmations in the mirror if that's something you're willing to do. Surround yourself with the most positive kinds of influences. Eventually if you continue to deprogram yourself, over time you will really come to know that you are fabulous and amazing, that God made you perfect, you will see a shift in your life. You will know that everything that society (whatever that is to you) tried to tell you was a mighty load of crap and you will begin to wield the power that God gave you. This is the kind of woman that will attract more than just any man because it's not about attracting whatever kind of man, she will attract a king that will put her on a throne.