Dealing with Inappropriate Comments About Your Naturally Nappy Hair

This comes up all the time on natural hair boards so I know it is a problem that needs to be addressed:

Adults know what appropriate conversation is and if they act like the site of your naturally nappy hair has caused them to forget, you may find yourself needing to give them a refresher course in good manners. You have to engage people who are behaving in a way that is inappropriate and childish. As an adult, the way you wear your hair is no concern of anyone else, it is your right. Tell them that they are crossing a line that they should know better than to cross. If these are people you know, which 9 out of 10 they are, let them know that in your dealings with them, you have respected their choices and the respect has to be a two way street if the relationship is going to continue.

Lines must not be crossed. Anyone telling you what you should be doing to your hair as if you are a child is crossing an invisible boundary and must be told to fall back. If they still persist and are sitting their with a chemical fire cream questioning your choice to be natural, tell them that if we are going to start questioning each other's grown ass choices, you also have a question for them, why is it that they think they are so ugly that they need to put a caustic chemical in their hair to change it and do they really want to continue down this road because you have some very strong opinions of your own. This is admittedly a little raw, but sometimes people don't know they are being rude until you mirror their behavior to them. Let them know you were being intentionally rude by asking that question to show them how rude it is that they are disrespecting you in how they address you about your own choice. You can also take it down to the basics. Tell them they should really be addressing God and not you if they have an issue with your naturally nappy hair because God was the one who chose this hair texture for you, you just happen not to have any problem with his will. Tell them that between God's idea of how you should look and theirs, thanks for presenting another option, but you'll be sticking with God.

One shouldn't have to become so thick skinned if it isn't in one's nature but unfortunately when we wear our hair natural we unearth the issues of black folks where ever we are because so many of our issues we hide in our hair. Some wonder why you aren't hiding and what happened to you that you aren't engaging in their practices. Black issues erupt around the site of natural hair. It's like a catalyst sometimes. Take these moments as opportunities. You don't have to get all deep with folks if you don't feel like it but insisting on being addressed with respect is something we to often don't do. Setting boundaries and guarding those areas that other people shouldn't feel free to cross with you is a good and strengthening exercise for any woman.

If the offender is a parent, remind them that they did a superior job at raising you and because their parenting skills were so on point, you have grown into an adult who has the intellectual and spiritual fortitude to make brilliant choices.

People of other races tend to have an innocuous curiosity about our hair and their curiosity can seem rude and ignorant but don't take it as an insult take it as a moment to share information, to broaden their knowledge about human beings who are different from them and if they are rude to share a lesson in manners and etiquette. Tell them that the way they phrased their question came across as rude even though it may not have been meant in that way.

You are beautiful just the way you are and other people's issues have no bearing on that at all. Don't take peoples problems as your gospel. Their problems are not your answers. Their issues are not your guides. They should be working them out, not trying to get you to co-sign on their issues so that they can feel right about proceeding with their bullshit.

Remember time is life. You can't get those moments back that you allow others to waist. You should not be in a long drawn out exchange with someone because while you're letting them be all up in your ear, life is moving on without you.